And now, the end is near, and so our thoughts turn to..Glissading – WHAT!!, you missed it, cos it clashed with the Ice-Dancing?
You do know that if Team GBs Coomes & Buckland had not un-qualified in 11th place, and had gone on to win gold, you’d be watching re-runs of it for the next 30 years (see Torville & Dean, Bolero, 1984).- ie. No reason to watch it live, could’ve switched over to see Glissading.
Well, for those of you who tuned in last Sunday to watch us, many thanks. It’s nice to know all that training didn’t go to waste, an’ that you witnessed the finest exponents of this sport in it’s Olympic debut. For all those (yes, you know who you are) who didn’t watch us live, I can only say you missed a snowy spectacular (there’s highlights @ 04.30am on BBC 302.. oh, you’ve just missed those too) With a limited field (mostly Bears for some reason), the competition consists of a number of disciplines (see list below) and takes place on the now deserted pistes. In all events, competitors must slide stylishly on their tummies, backs, bottoms, heads even. Just not feet, skis, skates or boards. In addition to the times achieved, style points are awarded for artistickyness.
Parallel Glissading : 2 racers simultaneous race each other downhill – together, at the same time.
Parallel Slalom Glissading : as above but downing a bottle of Russian vodka en-route. The slalom part comes at the end, when the racer tries to stand up and walk in a straight line.
Parallel Shalom Glissading : as above but Kosher
Half-Pie (no typo, I didn’t mean half-pipe) : A bit like going down a flume while eating pieces of pie– No, actually, it’s exactly like that.
Souper-G : Competitors glissade downhill while eating a bowl of soup.
Piathlon : Competitors slide downhill, and at designated intervals eat 6 pies in quick succession, before rushin’ off downhill again (Similarish to the half-pie, in that it requires pies) Desperate Dan wis disqualified after some half-eaten cow pies were found behind the Ice Cube.
The results, in no particular order of interest:
After finishing 74th in the Giant Slalom, it was thought that fiddler Vanessa Mae might have an advantage in the Souper-G, but after hitting the first gate and spilling her Tom Yum, she eventually Thai’d for last place with a Panda representing Tonga who bamboo-zled the crowd by trying to complete the course blindfolded. He slid off at the first corner, and got two black eyes as a result.
Sochi Mascot Bear Oleg – (so called ‘cos he hurted his knee), cheered himself up before watching the Ice Hockey quarter-finals, by sliding into 3rd, and claiming bronze.
Yours truly, PRB representing Scotland came second. A fairly satisfying result, and I get a medal too.
1st Place, and winner of the Gold Medal as 2014 Olympic Glissading Champion : Mrs.P Bear. After many long hours practicing with Chardonnay, she’s perfected the art of going downhill quickly – and with style, grace and panache. (I added that last bit, cos she’s standing on my foot at the moment) A true piste-artist.
Have just finished watching Canada beat Sweden 3-0 in Ice Hockey. My money was on the Neeps (as I tweeted Beeb), but they never look up for it. Earlier I watched Russia1 take Gold in the 4-man Bobsled. Interesting to note that, none of the medallists, or any of the 5th place GB team were called Bob.
Smile, Say Cheese Sochi. We’ve had fun, Big Bad Vlad’s team have put on a good show . Now we’ve got 77hrs on the train home to Scotland to look forward to. We’re not exactly Russian back to resume normal service.
до свиданиятоварищи. спасибои спокойной ночи
do svidaniya tovarishchi . spasibo i spokoynoy nochi
goodbye comrades. thank you and good night
Paul R Bear 